Dr. Matt’s Nanny Guide for Child Development 

Purpose:

            This guide will assist nannies in choosing age appropriate activities for children of different ages and will link to specific activities for each child.  Physical, language, emotional and social development will be addressed. A toolbox of behavioral tools is presented to assist with learning and social development.  A log sheet is included so that the nanny can track use and effectiveness of these activities for each child, ensuring continuity of growth.

Birth to three months:

            Physical and language development – Newborns spend a great deal of their time sleeping, in fact, up to 20 hours a day is not uncommon.  Children this age are usually fed 5 to 8 times a day.  Sensory stimulation is essential for infants.  Making basic distinctions in vision, hearing, tasting, etc. is quickly followed by visual and oral exploration as eye muscles develop and the child learns to lift his head.

            Emotional development – Newborns are typically tense during the first month as everything is new.  Delight, distress, and happiness are the predominate emotions observed among children 2 to 3 months of age.

            Social development – The helplessness of the first month of life improves as newborns develop and begin to fixate and smile at a face.  Rocking is generally soothing for newborns.     

What should I do?

Remember, sensory stimulation is very important for newborns as they are just beginning to use their senses.  Newborns love attention; however, take care to avoid giving sensory overload.  Talking to infants, listening to music, and cuddling is important for the newborn.  Having a face to observe with eyes, a nose, and mouth will often capture a newborn’s attention.  Because their eyesight is not well developed, strong color contrasts appeal to newborns. You may find that a newborn is quite fascinated by looking at a black and red checkerboard.  Newborns enjoy complex figures, but it is difficult for them to focus on small, complex figures.  Because over stimulating newborns will lead to confusion, offer them one play thing at a time.

            As the baby’s hands open, you can offer a rattle to hold.  Babies will search for the source of the rattle’s sound.  Mobiles and dangling colored objects above the baby will fascinate the child.  Body games like moving the baby’s hands and legs will help aid the child in learning to control movement.  Gentle bouncing while reciting rhymes is stimulating to infants and encourages language development.   

Four to seven months:

            Physical and language development – The baby’s sensory development will expand to localizing sounds.  While stimulation is still very important, babies 4 to 7 months begin to understand cause and effect and realize that their actions cause reactions in others.  This will lead to repetitive actions like dropping something over and over or kicking the crib.  When the baby throws a toy or pacifier on the floor repetitively, he is doing it to see if the object will reappear.    Babbling now includes most vowel sounds and about half of the consonants.  At this age the baby is probably feeding 3 to 5 times a day.  Motor activity includes control of his head and arm movements, purposeful grasping, and rolling over.

            Emotional development – Being cuddled and held is a priority for infants at this stage.  Mimicking the baby’s actions and sounds will foster emotional development.  Specific emotional attachment to the parent and nanny develops.  The baby will protest being separated from parent or nanny.  As the baby recognizes his name, frequent use of his name will be comforting.

            Social Development – Babies 4 to 7 months old will recognize their mother and nanny.  The baby will distinguish between familiar persons and strangers and will no longer smile indiscriminately.  The baby expects feeding, dressing, bathing and play time.

What should I do?

            Reading to the baby provides a chance for him to observe the way you talk and to mimic the sounds you make.  A great deal of the baby’s learning will come through watching others.  This method of learning is called modeling, as the mother’s or nanny’s behavior becomes the model for the baby.  The baby will learn a great deal about things through his mouth and hands.  He will struggle to reach objects and then to transfer them from hand to hand.  Because every object will go into his mouth, be very careful that the objects do not pose a choking problem.  As the baby grows he will proceed to toys that make sounds when shaken.  This will support cause and effect learning and will help with hand control.  The idea of object permanence begins at this age.  The baby learns that people and things continue to exist when they are out of sight.  Playing games where you hide a toy or rattle under a cloth will foster this development.  The old standby “Peekaboo, I see you” is very appropriate for infants of this age.  Remember, do not over stimulate the baby.  If the baby is tired or cranky, it is best to accept this and try later. 

Eight to twelve months:

            Physical and language development – The baby’s motor develop is growing rapidly.  Typically, he has control of trunk and hands, sits without support, and crawls about.  Control of legs and feet, standing, creeping and apposition of thumb and forefinger develop during this period.  Language has moved from babbling to saying one or two words, imitating sounds, and responding to simple commands.  The baby will demonstrate understanding of what you say in several ways.  He will look at objects and people when you say their names, he will crawl to toys that you ask him to find.  A more mobile baby means taking extra care in child proofing the home.  When a baby moves out of sight, be certain to make sounds so she knows you are still there.  This is part of the continued development of object permanence.  Babies at this age usually eat 3 meals a day with two snacks and sleep 12 hours at night with two naps.

            Emotional development - The emotions of anger and affection develop.  Fear of strangers, curiosity, and exploration also develop at this age.

            Social development – The baby will become responsive to his own name and wave bye-bye at this age.  Playing pat-a cake and giving and taking objects develops tools for later social development.  The baby learns the meaning of “no-no” in this first year. 

What should I do? 

            The baby is getting around now.  That means she is finding all sorts of things to get into.  Make certain the home is a safe place for learning and play by checking all your child proofing efforts.  Be sure to have a supply of toys and household objects that will develop hand eye coordination.  Elaborate toys are not necessary since most objects will be viewed as toys to the baby.  Stacking toys, balls, and colorful books are all appropriate.  By naming objects and people while talking to the baby, he will make associations.  During bath time, give the baby squeeze toys and objects to use for splashing.  Babies now understand that people are unique and separate from them.  It is normal for an infant at this age to have difficulty being separated from you during the day and at bed time.  Keep your exits short and sweet and try to enjoy the baby’s attachment to you while it lasts. 

One to two years:

            Physical and language development – Infants become toddlers during this period.  Growth spurts are common where infants focus on new ideas or skills practicing them over and over.  During this period they may seem to forget previously learned material.  These previously learned skills will return and be employed again later.   Motor ability grows rapidly during this year. Creeping upstairs and walking is typical for younger toddlers.  This development expands to running and kicking a ball as the toddler approaches the age of two.  Making lines on paper with a crayon improves and tower building grows to 6 cubes.  Vocabulary grows to more than 200 words during this year.  Bowel and bladder control develops and toddlers often sleep 12 hours at night with 1-2 hour naps.

            Emotional development – A toddler shows dependent behavior and becomes very upset when separated from mother or nanny.  Fear of bathing is common at this age.  Temper tantrums are not unusual and toddlers may show resentment if there is a new baby in the home.

            Social development – It is common for toddlers to obey limited commands and to feed themselves.  Toddlers will be interested in their image in a mirror.  At about 18 months of age, a toddler may do the opposite of what he is told.

What should I do?

            Safety is the responsibility of adults.  Toddlers may be learning how things work, but do not understand what is harmful or dangerous.  Look at the home through the toddler’s eyes and be certain everything is childproofed.

            “Learning” should be in the form of games, being careful to stop at the first sign the child is bored.  Pressure free activities will teach the toddler that learning is fun and he will look forward to it.  Because children learn rapidly with a model, use toys that encourage symbolic play, like kitchen sets and dress-up clothes.  Allow the child to shadow you as you perform everyday activities and give the child “chores”, like putting on shoes or brushing his teeth.

            Great toys for exploring and experimenting include cars, play garden tools, blocks, large crayons, pots and pans, and outdoor playground equipment.  Shape sorters, pegboards, and simple puzzles will improve thinking skills.

            Toddlers are fascinated with other children, but can be easily overwhelmed in groups of children.  One or two playmates at a time are plenty.  Parallel play is the norm at this age, so do not expect toddlers to “play” with others.  Toddlers generally do not want to share toys and do not understand cooperative play.  These skills will develop at a later stage.  As a nanny, you will need to be close to diffuse conflict, but remember toddlers can learn a great deal from other children through imitation.  Clapping and other forms of enthusiasm are very useful for stimulating the toddler’s learning.

Two to three years:

            Physical and language development – Motor development progresses rapidly during this year.  Jumping off a step, riding a tricycle, using crayons, building 9 or10 cube towers are typical during this year.  Use of short sentences as a way to explore the environment develops.  Stuttering may occur during this year, but it is normal and probably nothing to be concerned about.

            Emotional development – Fear of separation and oppositional or “no” responses continue with two year old toddlers.  A sense of humor develops and playing tricks is viewed as great fun for toddlers.  Facial expressions of the emotions of anger, sorrow, and joy are understood at this age.

            Social development – Use of  “I”, “me”, and “you” develop at this age.  Modeling continues to influence the toddler as he copies his parent’s or nanny’s actions.  Dependence, clinginess, possessiveness with toys and parallel play continue.  Negativism, saying “no”, resisting parental demands and giving orders also continue.  Toddlers at this age have difficulty making decisions.

What should I do?

            Fine motor development and a sense of competency will improve by playing with blocks and soft toys.  Consistent, warm, physical contact including hugging will help develop a sense of security for the toddler.  Provide very consistent guidelines with toddlers.  Strengthen appropriate responses with enthusiasm and correct mistakes firmly, but without yelling.  Talk or sing to the toddler during dressing, bathing, feeding, playing etc. using adult, not child, talk.  Try not to reply with “uh- huh” as the child will recognize you are not really listening.  It is better to reply with expansion of your child’s phrases.

            Having predictable patterns for mealtimes, bathing, naps and bedtime is another way of providing a consistent environment.  Naming objects and activities will continue to develop word association skills.  Read to your toddler every day.  Choose books that encourage touching and pointing.  Read rhymes, jingles and nursery stories.  If you speak a foreign language, use it often as toddlers will quickly learn the second language at this age.  Play calm, melodic music rather than rock or loud music.  Asking and answering questions stimulates the decision-making process.  Begin to explain “safety” in simple terms.  Feeling the heat from a register teaches the meaning of hot objects.  Spending time on the floor with the child everyday reinforces bonding. 

Three to four years:

            Physical and language development – Gross and fine motor development continue as the toddler learns to stand on one leg, jump up and down, and draw a circle and a cross.  As toddlers become more self sufficient they learn to expect household routines.  Use of sentences is now common as they no longer simply name objects.  They can tell simple stories having a vocabulary of nearly 1000 words.  More imagination is present as children use words as tools of thought.

            Emotional development – At this age, toddlers like to conform and are not so resistive to change.  They have a greater sense of personal identity and are adventurous.  They demonstrate affection toward parents, siblings and nanny.  Imaginary fears of darkness, injury, etc. occur at this age.

            Social development – Cooperative play may begin at this age.  Toddlers may play loosely organized group games and imitate parents.  At around 3 1/2 years of age they begin practicing sex-role activities and identifying with same sex parent.  Imaginary friends are typical at this age along with an intense curiosity of other children.

What should I do?

            Three year olds will spend hours asking questions about everything.  Why do I have to…?   Short simple answers are best.  Do not have serious conversations or try to explain family rules at this age since toddlers will not understand.  Answers like “So you won’t get hurt” or “Because it is good for you”, make more sense to toddlers.  When the questions become more abstract like “Why can’t my dog talk to me?” you can answer that you don’t know.  Simple answers are developmentally appropriate for toddlers.  They typically do not see multiple aspects of a problem.  For example, if you take two equal cups of water and pour one into a bowl and another into a skinny glass, the toddler will say the glass has more water in it because it is at a higher level.  Understanding multiple aspects develops later, around the age of seven.

            Three year olds begin to understand time in a simple way.  Watching an educational television show at the same time each day or expecting the mailman will foster the development of understanding.  This understanding is still quite basic.  The child may be able to indicate their age, but will have no real sense of the length in time of a year.  Maintaining the consistency of schedules for eating, bathing, napping, etc. facilitates understanding of time.

Four to five years:

            Physical and language development – Motor development becomes more mature as shown by skipping, broad jumping, and dressing.  Good balance and smooth muscle action are demonstrated by riding a scooter or pushing a wagon.  Fine motor development progresses as the child is able to copy a square and triangle.  Either right or left hand dominance is established.   Small muscle coordination usually develops more quickly with girls than boys. The child will consistently talk clearly and use adult speech sounds.  Basic grammar is mastered and the child will have developed a vocabulary of nearly 2,000 words.

            Emotional development – Responsibility, pride, and guilt develop during this age.  Feeling more self assured and associating with mother and home will continue.  The child learns self-criticism and will display enjoyment of following the rules.  Four to five year olds have very active imaginations and will ask endless questions.

            Social development – Highly “cooperative” play and special friends develop.  Playing simple table games that require each child taking turns is part of social development for this age group.  Four year olds will prefer to play with other children, become competitive, and display a preference for modeled gender-specific activities.

What should I do?

            Four year olds explore many of the same basic concepts that will be taught in school.  Understanding of time has progressed.  Four year old children know that days are divided into morning, afternoon, and night.  They understand hours and minutes, and that days make up weeks.  As the child explores he will tap into special interests.  If the child seems artistic, encourage painting or go to an art gallery.  If the child is more mechanical, a children’s museum or natural history museum might be appropriate.  Helping the child build models or other construction projects will be fun.  Using books to help answer questions and broaden the child’s view is beneficial.

            Universal questions like, “Where do we come from?”, “What happens when someone dies?”, and “What is the sun made of?” are common for four year olds.  It is very important to provide simple answers, but it is essential that you do not make up answers.  There are many books available to address these questions and turning to books for answers is a skill you will want to develop in the child.

Tools for Learning and Social Development

            The purpose of this portion of the guide is to describe and demonstrate various tools nannies have to aid them in developing the children’s learning processes.  These techniques are more than just good ideas: they are sound, fundamental procedures that have demonstrated effectiveness both in real life and through research.

            Learning for each child involves increasing appropriate behaviors like sharing, dressing, and cooperating while decreasing less appropriate behaviors like whining, throwing toys, and tantrums.  Each nanny needs a toolbox containing various tools to help children learn.  Often more than one tool is needed for different behaviors.  This manual  is a guide for those tools and will help determine which ones to use for various behaviors.  Before describing the various tools, two general rules should be considered.

Rule 1.  “It is far easier to increase a desired, appropriate behavior than it is to decrease a less desired, inappropriate behavior.”  Therefore, nannies should spend far more time working to help children learn appropriate behaviors.

Rule 2.   “Providing an appropriate model for children is an effective way for them to learn complex tasks.”  Nannies are extremely influential for children as children learn a great deal by watching and listening to what a nanny says and does.

            Because it is easier for a child to learn correct behavior than to change misbehaviors, our first tools are designed for increasing appropriate behaviors.  The first tool is the EXPECTATION TOOL.  Before a child will learn, we must be certain our expectations are accurate.  Nannies need to ask 5 questions when using the expectation tool.

1.      Are my expectations age-appropriate?  If yes, proceed to #2.  If not, I should work on the behavior at a later time.  (I would not work on toilet training with a 6 month old.)

2.      Have I taught the expectation?  It is not reasonable to expect a child to do something unless I have taught it.  (Children need to be taught how to share.)

3.      Does the child understand what I have taught?  Can the child repeat it back in his own words?

4.      Can the child demonstrate what I have taught?  (“Show me.”)

5.      Have I modeled the behavior?

Children learn a great many things through play.  Play is an often overlooked tool.  Play is fun and young children are eager to learn; therefore, learning through play is a very effective tool.  Play can often be physical.  This teaches the child that he has control over his environment and can also teach cooperation.  Play can often involve imagination and pretending.  This teaches the child creativity, sharing, and communication.  When using the PLAY TOOL for learning here are several useful suggestions.

1.      A naming game can be a great learning activity.  The name can be a shape, like round or a color, such as blue.  

2.      Puppets are very good play tools for language development, learning cooperation, and sharing.  Puppets are a particularly effective method for modeling correct behaviors and problem solving.

3.      Cutting and pasting is a very effective play tool for fine motor development.

4.      Dress-up can be used for learning social behaviors and other complex interactions.

5.      Picture time involves taking pictures of the child engaged in appropriate activities.  Picture time can be effectively used with age appropriate jobs.

When you want to teach something to a child clear communication is a valuable tool.  When nannies use the CLEAR COMMUNICATION TOOL they must:

1.  Establish eye contact with the child and use the child’s vocabulary

2.  Remove distractions, like the television.  There is a right time for learning

3.  Approach the child at his physical level. Do not tower over child.

Other things to remember when using the CLEAR COMMUNICATION TOOL include:

1. Children imitate adults’ behaviors, therefore, the nanny should provide many good examples for children to follow.

2.  Be brief and specific, as children have short attention spans.

3.  Be consistent in how you show and describe a behavior.

4.  Focus on the desired behavior to a greater extent than on what you do not want the child to do.

While used with clear communication, the SHOW AND TELL TOOL should be considered an additional tool for a nanny’s toolbox.  This tool is effective for learning new skills, praising behavior, and helping to stop behavior before it becomes a problem.  Using the SHOW AND TELL TOOL, behavior is described in simple, concise words.  Examples of this tool for a two year old might be:  You pick up the child’s toy look at them and say, “No, Sam, your truck goes in the box, not on the floor.”  When the child begins putting the toy away you can use this tool for praise, saying, “Thank you for putting your truck in the box.”  To stop a behavior before it becomes a problem a nanny might say, “I want you to walk across the room without running.”   Modeling the behavior for the child, and then having the child mimic the behavior, works well with this tool.

The PRAISE TOOL involves responding enthusiastically to the child’s positive behavior.  This tool can be used to show approval.  “Wow, great job!” or giving a hug are examples of showing approval.   The PRAISE TOOL can also be used with the SHOW AND TELL TOOL.  “You put all of your toys in the box!  You are such a big boy.” 

CONSEQUENCES is another tool nannies can use.  Consequences are events that follow a behavior and affect whether that behavior occurs again.  Positive consequences are generally much more effective than negative consequences.  When positive consequences are given following a specific behavior that behavior is more likely to be repeated.  When positive consequences are removed following a behavior, then that behavior is less likely to be repeated.  Probably the most powerful positive consequence available for nannies is their attention.  Children often crave attention, so when attention is used correctly it becomes a very powerful tool.  When the CONSEQUENCE TOOL is used it needs to:

1.      Be important to the child.

2.      Be immediate (within 5 seconds is best).

3.      Be appropriate in size.  Small positive consequences for small behaviors.

4.      Relate to the behavior.  (You were sharing your toys so you can play longer.)

5.      Be appropriate to the child’s developmental level.   A lengthy time out is not used with young children.   One minute in time out with each year is typical.  A four year old then will receive a timeout of four minutes.

Some positive consequences are more effective than others.  While all children are different, generally praise and attention are the most powerful, followed by a special activity.  This might include being allowed to play for a longer period of time because they were playing nicely.  A toy or special present can be used, but less frequently than attention or an activity.  Finally, food or snack can be used as a positive consequence.

So far, we have been discussing tools that are designed to increase appropriate behaviors.  Often, nannies will need to decrease a child’s inappropriate behaviors.  While the removal of a positive consequence can be used to lessen the likelihood that a behavior will occur in the future, other negative consequences may be used.  Five procedures can be used to lessen undesirable behaviors.

1.      Redo/overlearn involves having the child repeat an action or statement they have just completed, except this time they do it correctly.

2.      Redirect involves guiding the child to an appropriate activity.  An example for an older child might be, “Don’t play in the street, play in the yard”.

3.      Undo requires the child to fix or repair something they have done.  An example might involve having the child help clean a wall they have written upon.

4.      Time-out involves removing a child from a positive environment for misbehavior.  This procedure will be more fully explained later.

5.      Ignore the behavior.  This is a tricky tool because if the behavior is being strengthened or maintained by attention, then ignoring the behavior or child could lead to an increase in the inappropriate behavior.  If you can allow the child’s behavior to continue safely until it stops and then focus on a positive behavior, then ignoring can be used as a tool.

Having these tools in a nanny’s toolbox will only be beneficial if the right tool or tools are used for each situation.  To choose the right tool nannies must answer a couple of questions.

Question 1.  Was the child’s behavior positive or negative?  If the child’s behavior was appropriate and you wish to increase or maintain it, then that behavior should be followed with a positive consequence.  If the behavior was inappropriate and you wish to reduce it, then removal of a positive or one of the 5 procedures mentioned above should be used.

Question 2.  How can I make a connection between the behavior and the consequence?  When using a positive consequence it is often a good idea to have a menu of positive options and allow the child to choose the consequence.  When you wish to stop or reduce the occurrence of a behavior redo, redirect, undo and time-out each are useful for making connections between behaviors and consequences.

When using consequences to manage behavior here are some useful hints:

1.      Be clear, making certain the child knows what the consequence is and what he or she did to earn it.

2.      Be consistent.  If the child does something to earn a positive consequence be certain to give it to him or her.  If you give a negative consequence, do not let the child talk you out of it.

3.      Use a menu of positive consequences.  Using the same positive consequence all the time will result in its loss of effectiveness.

4.      Don’t lecture.  Children have short attention spans, so be brief.

5.      Follow through with the consequence, not a warning about next time.

The REASON TOOL is a very powerful technique to use with children.  This tool can be used either to increase appropriate behavior or to decrease inappropriate behavior.  Reason is very different from lecture.  A lecture is often about what a child needs to do and it is generally very ineffective.  Reason can be understood when it is compared to using a consequence.  If a child is playing nicely with a friend, using a consequence might be, “Thank you for playing nicely.  For playing nicely you can play together for 15 more minutes.”  When using the reason tool you might say, “Thank you for playing nicely.  When you play nicely with others they will want to play nicely with you.”  The REASON TOOL is a great way for children to see how their behavior and decisions may affect them in the future.  Their behavior and decisions may benefit them as, “When you share your toys, other children are more likely to share with you.”  Their behavior and decisions may have negative outcomes as, “The cat may scratch you if you pull his tail.”  A concern for others is another way to use the Reason Tool as, “Taking turns lets others have fun too.”  Finally, the REASON TOOL can be used in telling the child, “No”.  When using this tool with “No”, you need to follow with an ‘if…then” statement.  Using the example above you might say, “No!  If you pull the cat’s tail then the cat might bite you.”

TIME–OUT is a very powerful tool designed to reduce inappropriate behavior.  Because it is such a powerful tool it is used only with the most problematic behaviors and should be used sparingly.  In time-out the child is removed from a positive environment because of misbehavior.  Actually the full name for this tool is timeout from positive reinforcement.  Typically, this tool is used when the child is being aggressive toward others or himself.  Great care needs to be taken when using this tool.  Five steps should be followed:

1.      Describe the misbehavior and tell the child he or she is going to time out.

2.      Gently take him or her to time-out.

3.      Set a timer to begin the time-out period.

4.      When timer rings ask the child if they can return and not… (then describe the behavior that resulted in the timeout).

5.      If the child agrees, then return to positive activity.  If the child refuses, then reset the timer and continue with the time-out period.

Time-out might be used if a child is angry and aggressively throwing his blocks and screaming.  The nanny would say, “John, you are throwing your blocks and yelling, so you are going to time-out.”  Notice, the nanny did not discuss why John should not throw his blocks because her attention might not help reduce block throwing and yelling.   Instead, she uses the TIME-OUT TOOL.  Next, the nanny gently takes John to his time-out corner.  She does not lecture him about throwing blocks, give him eye contact or do anything else that might be seen as being attentive.  The nanny sets the timer for three minutes because John is three years old.  While John is in time-out, the nanny remains aware of what he is doing but does not interact with him.  After three minutes in time-out, the timer rings and the nanny asks John if he can come back and not yell and throw his blocks.  If John says ‘yes’, then he returns and he and the nanny begin a positive interaction.  If he says ‘no,’ then the timer is set for three more minutes and another time-out begins.  Because this tool is Time-out from positive reinforcement, the nanny was careful not to reinforce John’s block throwing and yelling.  She did not react emotionally; she did not lecture him about throwing and yelling; she did not give him attention or eye contact. 

There are a number of potential problem areas when using time-out.  Sometimes a child’s misbehaviors will increase when he or she is in time-out.  They might yell, cry, make a mess or act out in other ways.  These are all attempts to engage the nanny or get attention.  These behaviors need to be ignored.  Sometimes the child will attempt to leave time-out before the time is up.  Often, this too is an attempt to engage the nanny or get attention.  A common solution is to hold the child in a neutral, non affectionate manner.  Do not talk to the child and do not give him eye contact.  Sometimes with young children they may leave time-out because they believe it is a game.  Time-out should not be used with younger children.  The nanny may use smaller consequences like redo, undo, redirect etc.

            A special kind of time-out is mobile time-out.  This tool can be used at home in different rooms or when in stores.  It works just like time-out.  A plate size vinyl pad becomes the time-out location.  This pad has a sad face on one side and a happy face on the other.  When the child misbehaves, he or she goes to time-out by standing on the pad, sad face up.  At the end of time-out they return the pad to the nanny, happy face up.  (The happy/sad faces need to be explained before using this tool)

There are many skills, activities and interactions that children experience. As a nanny, it is important to use the right tool to help each child.  Because all children have differences, there is no ‘correct’ tool for all children.  As a nanny, you will learn which tools work best for each child.  Deciding which tool to use is guided by deciding if you wish to increase or decrease the child’s actions.  As mentioned earlier, generally your efforts will be on increasing appropriate behavior.  When a child is misbehaving and you are trying to decrease the misbehavior it is wise to also use a tool to increase an appropriate replacement behavior.

Looking at all of the chores, it is obvious that these are tasks you want the child to increase.  Therefore, you would pick a tool from the increase or increase and decrease list.  If you pick the Expectation Tool you would first ask whether this task is age appropriate.  Assuming the child is four years old, then it is an age appropriate task.  If the task you are working on is picking up toys, you need to ask yourself if you have taught that skill.  If you have not, you will want to reach for another tool.  You may decide that the Show and Tell Tool is needed.  You demonstrate picking up toys and tell the child his blocks go in the toy box.  You might want to use the Praise Tool as the child helps put the toys in the box.   Remember different tools can be used to reach a goal.  As you work with the child each day you will become an expert at knowing which tool or tools will work best for each situation. 

Good social skills will lead to happier more socialized children.  Common social skills that children need to learn are:

Social Skills*

(2-7yr. olds)

1.      Following Instructions

2.      Asking Permission

3.      Accepting “No” for an answer

4.      Getting Someone’s Attention

5.      Waiting Your Turn

6.      Asking for Help

7.      Listening to Others

8.      Saying You’re Sorry

*Taken from Common Sense Parenting - Barnes and York

Like working on chores, Social Skills are behaviors you want to increase.  Play tools, Praise, Attention are all very useful tools a nanny might choose.  If a child acts inappropriately with a social skill then a decreasing tool like Re-direct might also be used. 

        &n